
WEIGHT: 52 kg
Bust: 36
1 HOUR:40$
Overnight: +100$
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As a successful showbiz reporter in my 40s, my life seemed perfect to the outside world. I'd built a career interviewing the biggest A-listers in Hollywood. I had walked the red carpet dressed to the nines more times that I could remember.
I had dated and slept with several well-known stars. But the truth was I had long since abandoned the idea of love, convinced I was beyond it, broken in a way that made connection impossible. I hid behind my dogs, using them as a shield, an excuse to avoid anything that remotely resembled vulnerability. Dating consisted of one-night stands, which led to further detachment. I found my suitors on hookup apps. Most of the time I didn't know their name.
Even worse, I didn't care to. A successful showbiz reporter who has interviewed - and dated - several Hollywood stars, James's life seemed perfect on the outside, but inside he felt 'broken'. Intercourse, to me, was a tool that I used for validation.
The only goal was to feel better about myself afterwards, but I never did. After endless back-and-forth banter, they would ask for my address and number so they could come over. Which is when I'd block them. It became a game. I didn't actually want to have sex with some of these prospects. I simply wanted to know that I could. It made me feel wanted. This went on for years. But when I hit my forties, I became less interested in the game and my heart became colder.
As for love, well forget about it. I wasn't interested in romance, love or relationships. For a year, I lost interest in sex all together, even though it was the only way I'd have physical contact with another human being. I've always been open to different forms of therapy - I've seen a shrink on and off since high school - but traditional talking therapies didn't seem to be helping with this particular issue. So when a friend mentioned he'd gone to a walk-in ketamine clinic and that taking the drug under supervision had stopped his alcohol dependency and transformed his life, I thought I'd give it a go.