Dear Amy: I am a woman in a relationship with a younger man. At the beginning of this relationship, he was very into love, sex, romance and sharing everything. I paid all of our rent and utilities for the first six months, and we were both working. He says he loves me, but I have trouble believing him.
I feel at times that he is getting a free ride. Despite your generous attitude, according to your narrative, even in the early days of your relationship, this dude did not actually share everything. Dear Amy: My mother raised eight children. She is now in her late 70s and lives alone. Recently she received a cancer diagnosis and we have been taking turns getting her to appointments and helping with errands, chores, meals, etc.
People seldom talk about this, but for some, caregiving for an elder parent can be a traumatic and ultimately heartbreaking experience. If that was the case with your mother, her current situation has triggered some very real distress, and β like the loving and concerned mother she is β she is upset by the prospect of any of you having a similar experience.
Your mother has also received a frightening diagnosis. This may have triggered extreme anxiety who could blame her?! My first suggestion is to make sure that her physicians know about her rumination and anxiety. This might be a cognitive issue exacerbated by lack of sleep, diet or medications.
For you and your siblings, I suggest that instead of leaping in with quick reassurances, you should make sure to listen and give your mother plenty of space to express herself. Having loved ones able to listen calmly and bear quiet witness might help her. By standing down, we have no contact and no chances for arguments, hurt feelings and drama.
