They feel they are losing their husbands or they are worried because their husband is often angry and irritable. Sometimes they are in my office because the husband had an affair, or because he said he wanted a divorce. I start the therapy process and eventually it comes out there has been very little sex for months or years. It means something is off.
The longer you ignore this the harder the punch will be when you are forced to deal. Every single time, the wife is surprisedβ¦. She admits knowing it was a problem for him. He fears he is disappointing you sexually and that is the reason you turn him down. He feels completely helpless and then starts to resent the hell out of you for putting him in a powerless position. He may act out in ways to alleviate both his sexual frustration and his building resentment toward you by using porn or having an affair.
He often avoids coming home and works longer hours. At least he does until he is so angry and so shut down he starts to despise you.
When it gets that bad, he tries to stay civil but the contempt leaks out at times and this confuses you. But it also helps justify to you that it is ok not to have sex. After all, who wants to have sex with a jerk? All of these intense feelings are going on under the surface and you are oblivious to how much pain he is in. Partly because he has not been direct enough in telling you.
Then he notices that you have also started pulling away from non-sexual physical affection. You stiffen when he hugs you. If this is happening in your marriage, wake up now! Guys, if this sounds like your situation, be direct with your wife about your feelings. Let her know that something has to change. Tell her how much pain you feel and how much it hurts to feel so rejected time and time again.
