In relationships generally, but particularly in polyamory and BDSM, consent is essential. However strongly one may know that, it becomes even more graphically obvious when you blow it. And I recently did. The scenario was fairly innocuous. Like scores of times before, I was receiving a professional massage.
Unlike most of those times, it was from someone who I care about personally, and who had said that they cared about me likewise. At any rate, I was receiving an excellent massage from someone with whom there was some mutual feeling. Well, it turns out that that exceeded a boundary. The therapist and I had exchanged hugs regularly β at their initiation β after previous sessions. To me, a hug is much more intimate than a kiss on the back of the hand.
To them, however, the opposite was true. The fact that I did not know that does not excuse exceeding the boundary. A very calm and rational discussion followed, in which was made clear they were not comfortable with what I had done in that moment. It was also clear the relationship will continue. But I have been unable to simply put this behind, and in fact wonder whether part of why my conscious mind stays so engaged all the time is to keep things exactly like this from happening.
While most of the content on this blog will be original, I am pleased to share a very good piece of writing on the effects of new relationship energy and strategies for coping with it. The author is both an academic researcher in the field and a practitioner. Also a formidable pole dancer, a credential under-recognized by many tenure review committees. It gives you pictures, ways to contact.
To be sure, KNKI aspires to be more than a hookup app. Its profiles include fields for running status updates, like Facebook. But for an online equivalent, it is closer to CollarMe than to FetLife. At least in its current iteration, KNKI is better for finding new acquaintances and partners than building and maintaining community.
