And the moments of absolute disaster, it goes without saying, are much more fun to read about than the good bits. I was once courting a young lady. As we went back to hers and got to know each other better, things got going and as we come close to climax, I pulled out — she dodged what came next and as she moved it hit her cat on the back … it then ran off into the other room and I had to catch it to wipe it off.
Not my finest moment. It turns out, after a frantic half hour getting her to send me her location on whatsapp, she was at a bus stop on the other side of London. Having told her friends she was home, I was the only person who knew where she was. I found her at a bus stop, 45 minutes away.
At pm on a Sunday, I picked her up, took her home and fell asleep leaving her to sober up. I was woken up again at 3am. In the night she was flailing her legs around so much she full on booted me in the head and I woke up with a lump. I politely asked her to slam the door on her way out. I ended up going back to his, we inevitably started getting with each other. The green beer and carbombs were flowing.
I was making polite conversation with some mild-mannered work friends, it was all very chilled. Suddenly, this girl from nowhere, appears next to me. She introduces herself through the medium of a crotch grab.
Although I was taken aback by such a forward introduction, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I put it in her thrussy and the rest is history. We never spoke again. He was cool, kind of druggy-chic and really beautiful.
