Breaking someone's heart—or wounding it, if you're in a more casual relationship—can suck. We always focus on how to heal a broken heart after being dumped, but we never acknowledge how crappy it is to be the heartbreaker.
This is why I chose to do my master's research in the area. Below, how to end a casual relationship the right way. Ending a relationship —whether it be a casual one or a marriage—is thick with anxiety, guilt, and conflict.
And thus, what do we tend to do? We avoid. In the form of more serious, long-term relationships, we avoid "the talk. We have unenthusiastic sex or no sex and then lie awake next to them for the remainder of the night. In casual relationships, we stop answering text messages or provide short, uninterested answers.
We say we're busy for the next couple of weeks. We say we're busy forever. I used to say, "I just don't like hurting people. I've since realized that sure, I don't like hurting people—but what's really happening is that I don't like guilt and anxiety and conflict, so I ignore or avoid the "problem" to gain the illusion that "it's" they've gone away. And the reality is that they might go away, but they do so wondering what the heck just happened and sometimes send a string of angry text messages.
Carrie Bradshaw told us that there is a good way to break up with somebody. To their face: no text messages, emails, or Post-its. But I disagree, and I think one of the reasons we have so many "phaseouts" is because heartbreakers believe they should probably have the face-to-face conversation but can't tolerate what they might feel if they do. So ease up on your expectations. Just set your goal to actually communicate to your in-the-dark admirer that you're no longer interested. Thus, the No.
