I learned it first when my daughters were young and my husband worked nights and weekends. When I, at the end of my solo-parenting rope, erupted in frustration, all familial hell broke loose. But if I stayed calm, responded in measured tones with reasonable solutions, or even just hugged the offender, we all deescalated and went on our merry way. I learned it again β and again and again β as the squabbles and protests grew up with the children, and my responses had the same effect. If I yelled as loudly as they did, or stomped out of the room, or slammed the door, all of which I have, alas, been known to do, the situation broke down in recriminations, shouts and sobs.
Just as parents learn this lesson, so do those who work with children and young people. In classrooms across the country, unruffled teachers have unruffled students, frantic teachers have frantic students. A friend who is a high school teacher told me that during his first year of teaching, he would get angry at student misbehavior, until he realized that just made everything worse. As he learned to stay calm, his classroom stayed calm. Like millions of people across America, I watched the video of what happened last Friday in McKinney.
But I do know what I saw, which was an adult escalating a situation. The video begins with black and white teenagers walking away from the camera, noisily but undramatically. Then two white policemen run into the frame, Casebolt executes an action film-worthy, if seemingly unnecessary, forward roll, and the sound erupts in screams and shouts. After a couple of boys politely return a flashlight to the other police officer, who responds firmly but also politely, Casebolt explodes back into the frame.
He shoves black teenagers down to the ground, points his nightstick at the camera and other black teenagers, shouts profanities, and eventually pulls his gun, tosses a black girl to the ground, and handcuffs her. In other words, all hell breaks loose β or rather, Casebolt breaks all hell loose. Like a toddler, a group of teenagers can be a powder keg, which an adult can light β or not.
When race becomes a dividing point, especially between white adults and black teenagers, you get a potent mix of fear, anxiety and bravado White or black, urban or suburban, large numbers of teenagers tend toward the loud and boisterous, and many adults want only to avoid them. When race becomes a dividing point, especially between white adults and black teenagers, you get a potent mix of fear, anxiety and bravado saturated with the long history of American prejudice, which moves a situation that much closer to ignition.
