A knock sounds offstage. A drunken porter enters. If a man were porter of hell-gate, he should have old turning the key. What a lot of knocking! Knock, knock, knock! Knock, knock! O, come in, equivocator. Oh, come in, schemer. Come in, tailor. Here you may roast your goose.
Never at quiet. What are you? But this place is too cold for hell. I had thought to have let in some of all professions that go the primrose way to the everlasting bonfire. Never stopping. Who are you? Well, this place is too cold to be hell. Anon, anon! I pray you, remember the porter.
Was it so late, friend, ere you went to bed, That you do lie so late? Friend, did you go to sleep so late that you had to lie in bed this morning? And drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things. We drank and sang until three in the morning.
And, sir, drinking results in three things. What three things does drink especially provoke? Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes and unprovokes. It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance. Therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery. It makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.
Indeed , sir, drinking results in a red nose, sleep, and urine. It provokes desire, but also hinders it. Drinking arouses desire, but inhibits performance.
