I went to an Islamic co-ed school and I also went to university. My family, unfortunately, is of the same opinion. I have been told that I am too rigid and strict, and that maybe if I was more easy going, I would have been married by now and would have already had children. Now I am too old and it will be hard to find a spouse.
I always said that I place my reliance totally on my Allah to send me a spouse. But I have been told that this is absurd, and in this day and age, you have to go out and see how the boy is. You have to message each other so that you are comfortable with one other. Is this even true? But afterwards, he turns out to be an alcoholic, abusive person, etc. I feel frustrated and miserable.
It is very difficult to do the right thing when you are young and alone. You stand out like a sore thumb! Do you perhaps think that I should allow boys to talk to me and from there, see who is serious? It is actually the task of the seniors in the family to seek out a suitable match who will be compatible with you, especially someone who shares your Deeni aspirations. This is the whisperings of Shaitaan — that some marriages broke up due to the boy turning out to be a person of negative character and habits.
However, how many more marriages have broken up despite the couple having been in an illicit relationship for a long time before marriage? Despite knowing each other very well and for a long time, barely months into the marriage, problems began which eventually led to a divorce.
Furthermore, in a love relationship, the degree of responsibility and commitment which is found in marriage does not exist, as dating revolves around mere romance.
