Estimated reading time: 8 minutes. But after multiple attempts at changing each other, many couples find themselves emotionally exasperated and physically separated, seeking professional counseling to restore the relationship.
We all need coping skills to deal with stress, but at times they can become unhealthy and problematic. Often our reactions to conflict and stress are imprinted from early life experiences, hence we learn coping skills healthy and unhealthy ones in our childhood. Alienation, anger, and anxiety developed from a young age will likely show up in your marriage too.
A spouse who shows alienating behaviors most likely was encouraged to focus on tasks rather than feelings during his or her childhood. Therefore, this individual finds comfort in tangible projects, task completion and logical discussions.
This individual struggles with emotions and feelings. Her emotional vocabulary is limited. When her husband needs more emotional discussions, she may appear disinterested. So she may be truly lost interacting at this level. Add negative emotions conflict and this individual quickly retreats to the kitchen or garage to work on a task because intense emotions and conflict can seem threatening. Learn to increase your emotional vocabulary by describing your emotions with nuance.
For example, anger could also be described as bitter , irritated, or grouchy. Sadness could be felt as hopeless , dejected , or crushed. If a friend received a cancer diagnosis would you feel afraid or full of despair? If you find yourself withdrawing during a conflict with your spouse, challenge yourself to re-engage by expressing a desire to understand and hear more of his or her struggle or frustration. Allow space and time for him or her to express feelings and emotions.
