Ike and I have had the privilege of speaking to younger couples, those who are engaged or those recently married, and we have been asked what advice we can give about marriage, especially during the first year. We were also curious to know if things have changed for them after their wedding, bearing in mind that many of these couples would only be having the experience of living with their spouse for the first time. This was the case for us. Marriage enables you to experience the full breadth of emotions and discover you still love each other.
I would like to reminisce on the day of our wedding then write on the first year of marriage. We got married in Trinity Church, Enfield, pictured above. It was a sunny day and it was delightful. A church with seats was completely full. It had character and charm, with imposing oak panelling, large windows, high beamed ceiling and a mezzanine gallery. It sat guests with private parking for We were getting married and we knew it was right.
We danced all night and it took quite a few cars and trips to bring our wedding gifts back to our newly purchased home. It was all exciting. The most important thing I wanted to remember was that marriage should get better as we learn more about each other. There are bound to be ups and downs, apex and dales. The realisation that your life has changed is one that needs careful reflection. I have no longer got the wherewithal to do anything that I want, whenever and how I want to.
Everything from this time onwards will need to be done taking my spouse into consideration. I learnt to communicate this to my husband in the first year of our marriage. I have to be honest and say it irritated me.
Learn that your spouse cannot read your mind. Being able to communicate is crucial. It is important to be clear in our expectations, anticipations and uncertainties. To expect our spouse to pick up on subtle remarks may be impossible or when we say one thing and perhaps mean the other because we want them to engage. We need to be as clear as crystal and talk straight.
