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Imagine this scenario: Mom and Dad get to hear some great news from their son or daughter when they tell them they are getting married. The initial jubilation and excitement from the news is almost overwhelming as Mom and Dad's little baby is now going to really be all grown up. A few weeks later, Mom now gets involved with the initial guest list and becomes adamant about certain relatives that must be included for the wedding. The arguments ensue between Mom and her daughter in this case, and then the daughter begins to wonder was this really a gift from Mom and Dad or did it come with strings attached?
Most parents will say that they want to help their children or grandchildren when they have excess financial resources to do so down the road.
However, you'll often see the power struggles that money comes with a dose of control. When it comes to giving money to charity, because it is not a family member there seems to be less of an expectation with control because it is a third party. If financial resources are given to children for buying a new car, taking a family vacation, or for a special event, you'll inevitably hear war stories after about how the parents got way more involved than just making a financial transaction. So, how do you avoid getting a gift from Mom or Dad or giving one and have clarity about whether or not strings are attached?
One important point of clarity to establish up front with Mom and Dad or vice versa that this is in fact a gift and not a loan.
Have a frank discussion that by this being a gift, you have the right to do whatever you want with the funds without any interference from Mom and Dad or otherwise it doesn't make sense to call it a gift. If they want a lot of say on the purchase or planning the event, then maybe they should just pay for it directly themselves. If your Mom and Dad have the idea that a wedding at their country club is the best thing to do and you have the idea about doing a destination wedding, can you see how that could become just a small problem in the wedding process?