It's not that they're actually ever mad at the valet. They just want him to learn. There is an Uber for Helicopters. It's called Blade. It goes to the Hamptons. They put their work calls on speaker when you're hanging out. This may be foreplay. You will never be sure. But they will repeatedly make it clear that they think you should write a New York Sex Diary about them. Like, obviously they don't want you to, but it'd be kind of funny if you did.
You should be having more sex with them, given the number of times that they bring up the whole Sex Diary thing, but they're super stressed right now. Maybe you could just smoke some weed and listen to the new John Mayer album together?
They really wish that they were more present in the moment. They apologize for not being more present in the moment. Being present in the moment means popping half a Xanax and heading to the hotel sauna without you. They will take you to very trendy experimental-cocktail bars that they read about on Gothamist.
They will encourage you to try something with twenty ingredients. They will order an Old Fashioned. They get choked up when their bosses tell them to "have a happy Christmas. They're going to finally quit their job and move to rural New Hampshire to get a Ph. Save this story Save this story. And, when you think about it, they're really doing him a favor. By Jen Spyra. I Love Girl. By Simon Rich.
Daily Shouts. A Brooklyn Breakup. A couple in Brooklyn breaks up. The hardest part? Dividing up the Mason jars. Life and Letters. By Katy Waldman. The best thing about liking a boy was that it filled in all your time. You could lie on your bed and listen to music for an entire afternoon, daydreaming about him. By Sheila Heti. On Television.
