Meet Chloe and Owen: best buds since their sandbox days. Now, in med school as they attempt to balance the weight of their studies, his job, her band, their parents, their friends their san Read all Meet Chloe and Owen: best buds since their sandbox days. Now, in med school as they attempt to balance the weight of their studies, his job, her band, their parents, their friends their sanity , they find little time for relationships One fatef One fateful day, a brave Owen proposes the "perfect" solution: Friends read: no messy relationship Read all.
Brad : You wouldn't have these problems if you would just follow my rules: Friends don't let friends fuck ugly people Try everything twice, the first time you might have been doing it wrong Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry Cologne: overrated Deodorant: a must Blondes are usually too dumb to realize they're having more fun After puberty, that's not "baby fat" All hippie chicks deep throat, but few vegans swallow Women like shoes.
They will look at yours; purchase accordingly BBBJ or why bother? Women cannot parallel park If you wanna fuck it, you've got to be willing to lick it. Ass, stomach, legs, boobs - in that order If it's not dirty, you're doing something wrong If a friend's apartment is running low on toilet paper, you're required to use it all Cheerleaders are overrated Under no circumstance may two men share an umbrella Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her Other than in February, the 14th of every month is Pizza and Blowjob Night Dogs are better than cats Bigger is never better when they're fake Don't leave the house until you're camera ready A period does not equal a week off from sex You are not accountable if you bring ugly people home, unless you fuck them again in the morning If her mom isn't a MILF, chances are she won't be one either Fake orgasms count, as long as they're not yours The G-spot does not exist Persistence gets you laid Never give yourself a haircut while drunk Saliva isn't always the best lubricant, just the most fun to apply White cotton panties and knee socks.
Enough said! Never lend money to friends The month you finish paying for your car, it will break down Elvis is not dead Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone What's good for you usually won't taste better.
Example: processed peanut butter vs. People who don't use turn signals deserve mandatory prison sentences Never let a girl shave your balls Porn saves lives Republicans are better at If you've never had New Haven brick oven pizza, you've never had pizza. There is no pizza in New York or Chicago. Don't argue, you'll just sound foolish Condition your hair once a day Masturbate twice a day Eat three square meals every day Women should never cut their hair, unless they're going to play for the other team Crying is blackmail Your choice: spay or neuter your pet If she sleeps in your bed, sex is a given If a girl leaves her dirty panties lying around, she wants you to sniff them Halloween is the only holiday that matters Sympathy sex trumps make-up sex Body hair just gets in the way Rip bread, don't slice it Every man should learn how to dance, but no other man should know he can Men have no right to speak on the subject of abortion Chivalry is not dead, but she has to earn it Watch Carnival Of Souls at least once in your lifetime If your pubic hair is blonde or red, shaving is optional You can cheat on girls with hairy legs If they don't answer, it means yes Never turn down a chance to sleep with a celebrity Sex is better in warmer climates Never trust people who don't drink coffee Springsteen really is The Boss If there's a problem, talk it out If you can't talk it out: fuck, then try again Never lease what you can buy Never break up using a post-it note, her biker friends will hurt you for it Never say "no" to a green-eyed girl Don't lie, you will get caught Admit that the Mets were the greatest baseball team of all time and life will be easier Know the legal age of consent in every place you visit Wild animals belong in the wild, not in zoos, fairs, or roadside attractions Pussy farts are charming Only wear a bra if you're going to offend me Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye Never underestimate the power of stupid peoplein large groups When in doubt, mumble 9.
