Topic: Family and Relationships. A lot of people think that a friends-with-benefits arrangement will make life easy and devoid of complications, but that takes work, writes Tanya Koens. Clinical and somatic sexologist and relationship counsellor, Tanya Koens, answers reader's questions on those tricky issues many of us experience in and outside the bedroom.
Expect adult content and themes. Question: "Is it ever possible to be 'friends with benefits' without catching feelings? Answer: This is a great question and frequently asked by people who come to see me. Friends-with-benefits FWB relationships are quite common today and span across many age ranges. From students wanting nothing too serious while they study, through to others recently out of relationships and not wanting to rush into another commitment.
They can spring out of many different circumstances: an ongoing friendship where there is an attraction; meeting people online and even touching base with old lovers. They are as diverse as we are, and going to be different for every human as we all form bonds in different ways. A lot of people think that a friends-with-benefits arrangement will make life easy and devoid of complications.
Like all things in life, unless it is well understood and negotiated, it can be fraught with difficulties. I have seen quite a few clients in FWB relationships that have become anguished over them.
They can make themselves very available for their friend and find that their friend does not do the same. Or feel that they are having a very intense connection when in fact their friend only contacts them when they are horny. It's a good idea to stop and check in with yourself and your lover every now and then to see if you are both on the same page. If you want to have a FWB arrangement the first thing to do is to outline what each of you would like it to be.
