I have a lot of thoughts about hookup culture. I am, however, thoroughly irritated that everyone around me has been so beaten down by hookup culture that not a single one of them is willing to say:. In fact, the way things are going, having or articulating those sentiments has become an undesirable thing, to be avoided at all costs. That intention was great. This is for all the people of all the genders and non-genders, this is for all the Millennials and non-Millennials, and each person who feels undefined by any particular generation because, frankly, this shit has gone too far.
That sounds completely fucking backwards, but bear with me a second. For me this took shape in a slew of close affairs after a huge, almost decade-long breakup. For me, this took shape in total madness with someone I was way too into. With this particular person, I was in a game of give and take; he loved to turn the tables on me as if seeing how long he could keep me on the ropes before committing himself.
Very, very wearily I played along, outwardly seeming like I actually was down for anything when internally I was percent losing it. Not only are these toxic ideas of what love is or relationships should be, but these are ideas born of each casual encounter built on untruthful wants and expectations that keep happening. Strike three. The foundation of hookup culture is fear—fear of being rejected for needing too much, wanting too much, asking for more than a casual fuck.
A lot of the perpetual singles in my circles settle in on this notion as a crutch for rationalizing hookup culture. But these people have true and honest fear of being rejected that prevents them from being vulnerable enough to admit that they want a partner, career stability be damned. He wanted financial stability before committing energy to another whole person. You have, for all intents and purposes, begun a connection that had the potential to be meaningful and fulfilling with lies and manipulation.
And maybe even a little gaslighting. Starting a no-strings-attached fling with the hope it will turn into something more.
