Thinking of scaring up some strange ass on the Internet? Sure you are! Below are some common phrases posted by lonely people on Craigslist, followed by translations of what those phrases really mean, and what you'll actually get if you respond.
Learn satire from Sean Crespo at thecrespo. The Craigslist Personal Ad Translator. March 29, Sean Crespo,Dan Bialek. Log in Register Username. Don't make me do this again. Confirm Password. I agree to the Terms of Service. Add me to the weekly newsletter. Add me to the daily newsletter. I'm attracted to a man who isn't hung up on the fact that I'm currently carrying an incurable sexually transmitted disease.
I won't ask for your last name. Just send me a one-line message and I'll tug your Johnson till it disintegrates. No strings. Black, white, Mexican-whatever. You could be a morbidly obese bow-legged Chinese acrobat for all I care.
Who would have thought I'd get herpes? I thought it was something only street hookers picked up off of Johns while fellating them in bathroom stalls. Right off the bat I told you about the whole herpes thing. Oh wait, I didn't. But I will. On the first date, or after the first time we have sex or some time really close to right after that.
I'm definitely not spending the night, and don't plan on me calling you ever again unless it's very late and I'm very, very drunk. Also, I'll be watching you sleep. As long as you have all four limbs and are between the ages of 12 and 93, we're good to go.
